Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
