bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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