yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
