i wish there were pregnant emoticons
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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