dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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