4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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