some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
