I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
did i just pee glitter
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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