Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize