Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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