she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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