hotel room ftw
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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