I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
