Plan B is the new Plan A
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
