it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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