i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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