It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
