new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am available for nakedness
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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