Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
