once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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