You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
