you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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