'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
