i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
