I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
