I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If that was your dad, he is hot
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I said "one day" and that day is not today
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
