I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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