I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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