Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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