meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
