Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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