i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
