Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
