Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
