You kept calling me your small dog last night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
