it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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