just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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