we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
