Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
