Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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