No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
