And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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