I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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