I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
