I think I am morally bankrupt
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
