I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
