how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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