i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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