remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
