We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.