Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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