Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
