Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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