Dude i fell asleep inside of her
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
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Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
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We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor