Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Houston, we have a squirter
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"