i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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