i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
