my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
