I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
