There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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