We won't sleep together?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
