when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
