It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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