3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
