I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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