I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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