An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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