it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
