Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
