i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
