: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
