dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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