FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
