I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
