Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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